Just Another Guy with Opinions

Sex on the Net VIII

Posted by shadmia on September 24, 2007

Sex is one of those things that everybody does but few are willing to discuss in an open and frank manner. Downloads of sex-related material are the most searched for items on the Internet. However in most social settings it is taboo. It makes one wonder how and why such a basic human need gets relegated to the “dark side” of the Internet and is practically a banned subject in polite social circles. Don’t mention “private parts” in mixed company if you wish to remain in the room in good standing. Well for those who are interested, here are some open and frank stories about “private parts” and sexual relationships. It is the latest installment of the series Sex on the Net.

A Brief History Of The Nipple

The once-holy symbol of female fertility and sexuality has become irrelevant in modern society; the breast is now less useful as a sexual provocateur than a conduit for milk. Men are no longer fazed by the current shapes and sizes and women go to extremes to distort mammalian reality. But somehow we’re still horrified, mystified and consumed by the breast’s best accessory, the nipple. Nipples are a cultural landmark and the zeitgeist of generations; they serve as pointers of where society is and where it’s going. From the Renaissance through the Victorian Era to modern day society; follow the changing attitudes towards the nipple in this article. Rudy Gernreich’s infamous one-piece bathing suit shocked the world when it turned out to be topless. What became obvious and subsequently fascinating was the idea that it wasn’t nudity, until there was a nipple.

A classic Seinfeld episode centered on the accidental appearance of Elaine’s nipple asked the question, “When is it sex?” The answer: when the nipple makes its first appearance. This also appears to be true for social change, physical revolution and moral editing.

No Vibrators Allowed

In Alabama, you can sell guns on any street corner but you can’t sell sex toys. That’s right. Alabama is a vibrator-free state! The Alabama Legislature, in its infinite wisdom and in the spirit of protecting citizens from moral turpitude, a while back, banned the sale of sex toys (or “marital aids” as some lawmakers coyly call them). Now the U.S. Supreme Court has shown a gleam of interest in this controversial state law, which has been challenged in Alabama courts by adult toy retailer Sherri Williams. She has been fighting the law for nearly 10 years. The Supremes have informed the state of Alabama that it must file an answering brief with the High Court, which is an indication that the case might be taken up in the next session.

There is, and always has been, a strong strain of paternalism among lawmakers down here. And that paternalistic attitude makes them believe that they are the keepers of the Moral Keys. Us wee folk need protecting from sexual pleasures derived from plastic thingies made in China. The same lawmakers also have protected Alabamians from the glittering vice dens called casinos, the dangerous Mega-Ball lotteries and betting parlors. All for our own good.

They do, however, let us have SOME fun. We have fireworks stores at every interstate exit. We can buy all manner of guns easily and openly as long as we are of legal age. And we can shoot off the aforementioned fireworks and guns pretty much wherever and whenever we want. In other words we are free to blow ourselves up at will. We just can’t blow up a dolly with big red lips and openings in her lifelike vinyl self.

Kissing means more to Women

A State University of New York team quizzed over 1,000 students, finding women place a big emphasis on kissing. They use kissing as a way of assessing the recipient as a potential partner, and later to maintain intimacy and to check the status of a relationship. Men placed less importance on it, using it to increase the likelihood of sex, Evolutionary Psychology reported.

The questionnaires revealed men were less discriminating when it came to deciding who to kiss or who to have sex with. They were more willing to have sex with someone without kissing, to have sex with someone they are not attracted to and agree to have sex with someone they considered to be a bad kisser. But kissing was more important as a bonding mechanism to women. In long-term relationships females not only rate kissing as more important than men, but they indicated that kissing was important throughout a relationship. Meanwhile, men placed less importance on kissing as the relationship progresses. There was also a difference in the sort of kisses the two sexes preferred, with men liking wet, tongue kisses. Lead researcher Dr Gordon Gallup said kissing had developed over time to become an essential part of the courtship process. But he added: “While both sexes participate in the adaptive benefits of kissing, we found sex differences when considering the pursuit of short- versus long-term mating strategies.” Dr Glenn Wilson, an expert in relationships at London’s Institute of Psychiatry, said: “Kissing is used by everyone as a bonding and testing mechanism.

“But the fact is women are more discriminatory than men. Men can just go out and spread their seed, but women have to take more responsibility because of the consequences and so they are likely to want to test more.”

Beijing’s Penis Emporium

There are many thousands of Chinese restaurants around in the UK and everyone has their favorite dish, but only in China itself do chefs specialize in a range of slightly more unusual delicacies. We are in a cosy restaurant in a dark street in Beijing. The restaurant’s gristly menu was dreamt up by a man called Mr Guo. He is 81 now and retired.

Nancy has brought out a whole selection of delicacies. They are draped awkwardly across a huge platter, with a crocodile carved out of a carrot as the centrepiece. Nestling beside the dog’s penis are its clammy testicles, and beside that a giant salami-shaped object. “Donkey,” says Nancy. “Good for the skin…” She guides me round the penis platter. “Snake. Very potent. They have two penises each.” Deer-blood cocktail “Sheep… horse… ox… seal – excellent for the circulation.” She points to three dark, shriveled lumps which look like liquorice – a special treat apparently – reindeer, from Manchuria. The Guolizhuang restaurant claims to be China’s only speciality penis emporium, and no, it is not a joke. The atmosphere is more exotic spa than boozy night-out. Nancy describes herself as a nutritionist.

“We don’t call them waiters here. And we don’t serve much alcohol,” she says. “Only common people come here to get drunk and laugh.”

Most of the restaurant’s guests are either wealthy businessmen or government bureaucrats who, as Nancy puts it, have been brought here by people who want their help. What better way to secure a contract than over a steaming penis fondue. Discretion is assured as all the tables are in private rooms. The glitziest one has gold dishes. “Some like their food served raw,” says Nancy, “like sushi. But we can cook it anyway you like.”


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